Mein Bruder
by Leosia Major
Summary: Five times Gilbert Bielschmidt lived up to his role as big brother. (Human AU, in honor of German Unity Day)(Warning: Character death!)
1. Chapter 1

**Pairing**: No romantic pairing.

**Summary**: Five times Gilbert Bielschmidt lived up to his role as big brother. (Human AU, in honor of German Unity Day)

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Hetalia or any related ideas. This is all just for fun and entertainment here.

* * *

Gilbert was going to be a big brother. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. After all, at four years old he wasn't entirely sure he understood this whole thing. For a while now, _Mutti_ had been telling him she would be having a baby. Apparently said baby was in her stomach. That alone was disconcerting to Gilbert. The baby was in her stomach? How did it get in there? Would they have to cut her open to get it out? The idea was horrifying and he wasn't entirely sure why _Vater_ would stand for such a thing.

From what he could see, this 'baby' wasn't doing anybody any good. Mutti was getting bigger and bigger (were they sure she wasn't going to pop like a balloon?!) and as she got bigger, she became more uncomfortable. She was tired much of the time. She didn't want to play very much, and she cried so much! _Vater_ seemed more stressed out - they were both constantly talking about money when they thought Gilbert was too absorbed in playing with his toys. Yes, Gilbert was damn near certain he didn't like this baby, and he certainly didn't want to be its big brother. _Mutti_ and _Vater_ were his. He didn't want to share them!

His opinion hadn't changed by the time the baby did come. It had been in the middle of the night - _Mutti_ seemed like she was in pain! Was the baby hurting her? He certainly didn't like that, though she continued to assure him that she was okay. _Vater_ seemed even more stressed, worried lines showing on his stoic face. They had to go to the hospital - he'd been there once when he'd broken his arm falling out of a tree (that he wasn't allowed to climb) and he didn't like that place. He definitely didn't want his _Mutti_ to be in one. However, both _Vater_ and _Mutti_ said the hospital was no place for a little boy, and his _Großvater_ came to care for him.

Though they'd left just before his bed time, Gilbert wasn't allowed to see his _Mutti_, his _Vater_ or even that little baby until the next morning. _Großvater_ woke him up very early and took him right to the hospital. He didn't want to go, but _Mutti_ was there and he wanted to make sure she was alright. The drive was the longest Gilbert had ever experienced, but then again, at four years old, he had little patience for car trips.

When they arrived, _Großvater_ whisked him right up to a private room. There, he saw, much to his relief was his _Mutti_. She looked tired, but she wasn't hurting anymore. Immediately he tugged his hand out of the hold his _Großvater_ had on it and ran to the bed to climb up beside her. Before he reached his destination though, he was swiftly picked up by _Vater_. "Careful," He warned, his voice deep and rumbling, fatigue making it rough. "Your mutter needs you to be gentle." He cautioned, and Gilbert nodded, letting _Vater_ set him down on the bed.

It was then that he finally saw the little bundle in her arms. He crawled closer, a frown on his pale face. "_Mutti_?" He asked in confusion.

She shifted then, moving so he could see better. It was the baby they'd talked so much about, so tiny with its eyes shut, a dusting of pale blond hair atop its head. "Gilbert, _liebling_," She pulled him close. "This is your little brother." She allowed Gilbert to reach out with curious fingers, watching him as he touched the soft blond hair. "His name is Ludwig."

"He's tiny." Gilbert observed with a frown. Who knew babies were that small? Of course he'd seen pictures of himself as a baby but he'd never seen a real one! He was so very small. He looked helpless.

"He's very tiny. He needs to be taken care of. He's not big and strong like you yet." She explained warmly, giving a little smile as she watched her older son as he took to stroking the baby's light hair with gentle fingers. "He doesn't know how to do anything yet?"

"Anything?" Gilbert asked skeptically.

"_Nein_. He can't read or talk. He can't feed himself or walk."

Gilbert frowned. "Well ... I can teach him." He said, deciding for himself.

"I'm sure you can." _Mutti_ said, pleased. "Do you want to do that, Gilbert? Do you want to take care of Ludwig and teach him what you know?"

Ludwig gave a little yawn, stirring in his mother's arms. He opened his big, blue eyes and Gilbert frowned again. He was so small and so helpless. Anything could happen to something that tiny. He nodded finally. "I can do it." He said, tiny hands moving to ball into fists at his sides. "_Ja_ ... I can do it." He repeated mostly to himself.

The moment the promise was made, young and inexperienced as he was, little Gilbert Bielschmidt knew that he would keep the promise no matter what. He was determined and if he did nothing else, he would take care of Ludwig, and he would teach him everything he knew.

* * *

**Translations:**

Mutti - German for 'mommy'  
Vater - German for 'father'  
Großvater - German for 'grandfather'  
Nein - German for 'no'  
Ja - German for 'yes'

**A/N:** So I decided to write this little five part ficlet in honor of the German brothers. I can't promise each chapter will be out quickly but I will not abandon this story! I hope you all enjoy. I beta'd this one myself, so of course concrit is absolutely appreciated.

Worry not! _Attachment to Letting Go_ hasn't been forgotten, and chapter four is still in the works.


	2. Chapter 2

**Pairing**: No romantic pairing.

**Summary**: Five times Gilbert Beilschmidt lived up to his role as big brother. (Human AU, in honor of German Unity Day)

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Hetalia or any related ideas. This is all just for fun and entertainment here.

* * *

It had been six years since Gilbert had become a big brother. He had fallen into the role easily, and he loved it. His Mutti and Vater paid an awful lot of attention to baby Ludwig, and that meant an awful lot of attention was taken off of Gilbert. Sometimes he reacted as any child might upon feeling ignored. He'd make messes, he'd do things to be noticed. But more often than not, rather than let Ludwig take his parents' attention away from him, he took _Ludwig's_ attention from _them_. He didn't particularly like all of the things that went into the care of a baby (and at four he wasn't able to do much) but at every feeding, every diaper change he was there in Mutti's face, demanding that he do it. Ludwig was his, he'd explained to Mutti and Vater. And of course, eager to keep their eldest from feeling neglected and falling into destructive habits, both of them were quick to accept his help and agree.

Things hadn't changed much between them over the years. Gilbert was in fifth grade now, and Ludwig had just begun first. Though he couldn't watch his little brother all day because of school, he was there the rest of the time. Well, when he wasn't at a play date with one of his close friends that is. As much as he loved his little brother, there were fun things that ten year olds could do that six year olds just couldn't. After all, little six year olds weren't allowed to play at the neighborhood park without their parents like ten year olds were.

However, when he was home, Gilbert was as attentive an elder brother as always. He was determined to teach Ludwig everything he knew - and he took that 'everything' literally. Mutti wasn't so sure this was a good idea. For all he was (relatively) well behaved at home, he was something of a trouble maker at school. He'd made two friends in first grade, and the three of them never ceased to cause mischief in the classroom. Gilbert fully intended on teaching Ludwig his mischievous ways.

Then again, Ludwig was quite the grown up six year old and he wasn't quite so mischievous as his elder brother was. Where Gilbert was loud, Ludwig was more reserved. While Gilbert liked to break some of their parents' rules (he'd become quite adept at sneaking peeks at Christmas presents), Ludwig was uncomfortable doing so. Of course they were both very much alike as well. They both liked to play outside, and they both were relatively neat children.

Gilbert had taught Ludwig how to put away his toys the way Mutti liked. Gilbert had taught him many things - how to slip broccoli to the family's Doberman without being seen, how to tie his shoes and even how to ride his bike without the training wheels on it. But there was one thing Gilbert had not done taught him to do that Ludwig sorely wanted to learn. He hadn't yet taught Ludwig to play football.

Ludwig never seemed to make a fuss about this. Gilbert would teach him how to play when he had the time to. But as time passed and Gilbert spent more and more time at the park with his two friends playing football, Ludwig grew more and more impatient. He wanted to learn and play like his elder brother! Finally, one spring day he'd had enough waiting. Gilbert was just on his way out of the house after telling their mother he'd be going out with Francis and Antonio (as always) when Ludwig cornered him.

"Take me with you." The little blond said, arms folded over his chest as he looked up at his brother.

"What?" Gilbert asked, tugging on the jacket that their mother insisted he wear (the jacket he'd be ditching as soon as he was off of their street).

"I want to go too. I want to play football with you guys." Ludwig's tone implied he was _not_ backing down.

Gilbert groaned audibly. "Luddy," He began. "We're gonna be playing big kid stuff. I mean come on, you're six. You wouldn't have any fun with big kids anyway. Don't you wanna go play with Feliciano next door?" He tried. He knew Ludwig rather enjoyed playing with the twins - well one of the twins, the other seemed to dislike him - from the family next door.

"No." Ludwig said flatly.

"Luddy-" Gilbert tried.

"If I asked, you know Mutter would make you take me." Ludwig countered whatever argument he knew Gilbert was devising.

The whine that left Gilbert's mouth was nothing short of embarrassing. "I've taught you too well, grasshopper." He accused with narrowed eyes and plucked Ludwig's coat off of the hanger in the hall and held it out to him. "MUTTI, I'M TAKING LUDDY WITH ME!" He called out to wherever she was in the house, eliciting an answer of 'Be back for supper!'.

"You win this time, kiddo." Gilbert said, looking down at his brother as he opened the door and let him lead the way out.  
Ludwig didn't answer him, too satisfied with himself to bother. He was ecstatic! He was getting to learn to play football _and_ he was going to hang out with Gilbert and his older friends. How lucky was he?!

Fortunately, neither Antonio nor Francis seemed to mind that the younger Beilschmidt had come along. When they had their game set up, Gilbert turned to Ludwig. "Why don't you just watch us play for a bit and then I'll come and we can play two on two, yeah?" He asked.

Ludwig seemed to find this acceptable. He sat down in the grass with the older boys' coats and watched them. Francis was going to play goalie while both Antonio and Gilbert played against one another. It was exciting to watch the way they'd run up and down the field, though Ludwig wasn't entirely sure their rough housing was necessary. Really, did one need to shove so much in order to get the ball away? In fact, he was so delighted by the game that he'd almost forgotten he was going to play next.

It wasn't until they stopped for a break, all of them panting and sweaty that he remembered. He immediately jumped to his feet when Gilbert walked over. He'd observed them well and he knew all of their rules - he knew he could keep up.

Gilbert chuckled when he saw the near military stance his brother was in and slung an arm over his shoulders. "Calm down, soldier boy, it's just a game." He shook his head and steered him out to the field. It didn't take Ludwig long at all to learn the basics - kicking and passing and the like. And in his practicing he even managed to score a goal while Antonio was tending. It made him feel proud that he'd scored, and even prouder that he was playing and keeping up with the older boys. He knew some of his other friends weren't so lucky in their older siblings. He knew some boys and girls in his class had siblings Gilbert's age that didn't want to play with them. Gilbert wasn't like that at all.

It wasn't until the sun began to sink behind the trees that any of the boys wanted to leave. Antonio first broke the spell of excitement they'd cast over themselves by excusing himself to go home. Francis left next, leaving the two brothers to walk home alone. As they walked, Gilbert put his arm around Ludwig's shoulders again. "So did you have fun?" He asked, relatively satisfied with how the day had gone.

Ludwig gave a little smile and nodded. "I did." He said, his steps just a little quicker to keep up with Gilbert's. "Thanks for taking me today."

"Well you blackmailed me into it." Gilbert teased and nudged him before shaking his head. "Nah, it was nothing. You were pretty good at it too." He admitted. "Gonna play when you get into school?" He asked.

Ludwig nodded. "I want to! Will you teach me?" He asked.

As they rounded the corner to their street and headed for their driveway, the older Beilschmidt turned to regard the younger quite seriously. "I'm your big brother." He scoffed, offended. "That's in my job description!" With that said, he nodded his head and steered Ludwig up towards the house for dinner. And Ludwig knew that no matter how much he teased or how much he pretended not to want to hang out, that his brother would be good on his word. After all, it _was_ in his job description.

* * *

**A/N:** Wow, so this update took me much longer than I expected. I've been so busy lately and have been in kind of a writing funk. I know this chapter is a bit dull but it'll pick up next chapter, I promise. I hope the double update made up for things! I am working on Attachment to Letting Go and while I'm not sure when I'll have it done, I _will_ try to get it out as soon as I can. Thanks for your patience, guys. You're all wonderful.

As always, concrit is always appreciated. Please review! Thank you so much, guys.


	3. Chapter 3

**Pairing**: No romantic pairing.

**Summary**: Five times Gilbert Bielschmidt lived up to his role as big brother. (Human AU, in honor of German Unity Day)

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Hetalia or any related ideas. This is all just for fun and entertainment here.

* * *

Three more years passed since Gilbert became a big brother. Many things had changed in the Bielschmidt brothers' lives since that afternoon spent playing football. That fall they'd moved to the other side of town to a more affordable living space. It was a town house, rather than their more spacious single-family home. It was smaller, but the boys still had their own rooms, and the family's Doberman still had a back yard. Gilbert could stay at his old school and Ludwig could start up at the same school into first grade. Things had changed, but the boys had each other and their parents. No change was too much for them to handle then.

Since then, more things changed. Gilbert began to grow a great deal. At the wise, old age of thirteen he now towered over his little brother. He was entering high school and 'a few years', he boasted, he'd be able to drink beer like Vater. Ludwig had changed too - he was taller, though not as tall as Gilbert. School was harder for him. He'd gone from learning shapes and colors to long division and multiplication ... and harder math problems still. He excelled at school though. He did even better than his older brother, though he suspected Gilbert would do much better if he paid more attention to his homework and less attention to Call of Duty.

Though the boys faced little changes here and there as they grew, life was relatively the same. They went to school in the morning and came home in the afternoon. They did their homework while Mutter made dinner and then did as they wanted until Vater came home. They ate as a family. On weekends they spent time with their friends and with their family. When they were young they spent many weekends going out with Mutter and Vater, though as they grew older, the outings became less and less. Vater worked more to keep them supported, and Mutter found herself busy with other things.

Still, their routine was stable like this until the fall Gilbert entered high school. It was a crisp October day when he stepped off of the bus to wait for Ludwig's bus to arrive as he did every afternoon he had no football practice. The pair of them walked together home and Gilbert immediately knew something was wrong. Vater's car was in the driveway. Vater's car was never home before dark this time of year. He never took a day off from work unless he was really sick ... and even then he usually toughened up and went anyway.

Ludwig could sense his elder brother's unease and he understood. It was quite unusual for Vater to be home this time of day. He was rather routine about his work after all. With a little nod to the older, Ludwig picked up the pace and the pair of them ran to the front steps of their town home.

"Vater?" Called Gilbert loudly the moment they stepped into the house. "Vater, are you home?"

"In here." Came the reply. It was Vater's voice, yes, but it wasn't his usual gruff, stern tone. He sounded tired and sad even.

Warily the boys followed his voice to the kitchen door and saw him sitting at the table, papers littering the surface before him. "Vater-" Gilbert began before Vater cut him off.

"Sit down." He ordered and watched as Gilbert took the seat across from him and Ludwig sat beside him. He sighed softly, seeing two pairs of questioning eyes looking up at him. He'd never been much of a talker, and it had always been his wife that handled this sort of thing with them. "Boys, I have some bad news."

"Where's Mutter?" Interjected Gilbert.

"Quiet." Vater said. "Mutter is ..." He frowned. "Your mutter had to go away."

"Go away?" Questioned Ludwig.

"Ja." The man rubbed his face for a moment. How on earth was he to explain to a thirteen and a nine year old that their mother had up and left? How was he to explain that divorce had been eminent, but she'd simply beat him to the punch and taken off? "She ..." He paused.

"Boys, she's not coming back."

"Why? Where did she go? What happened?" Gilbert demanded, standing up.

"I don't know." He responded tiredly, avoiding looking at the angry expression on his older son's face, and the confused and sad look on the younger boy's.

"How do you not know?!" The albino threw his hands up at his father, disgusted with his inability to tell him what he wanted. Rather than let him explain further he pushed away from the table and stomped up to his room. Why did adults pull these kinds of things?! He ignored his father and brother's calls for him to come downstairs and responded with a slam of his door. He grabbed the cell phone Vater had bought for the boys to share for emergencies and dialed Mutter's cell phone. She could explain ...

Hours later, Gilbert gave up on trying to reach Mutter. The first few times she hadn't answered. On his sixth call the ringing was cut short - she'd ignored the call. After a seventh call her phone was turned off. He tried several times more, leaving a message each time until he received notification that the inbox was full. He was furious at her for ignoring him. He was furious at his father for not having the answers. He was furious at Ludwig for being so calm. Hell, he was furious with himself. Could he have done something to drive Mutter away? That singular thought was haunting enough that his anger faded to worry.

At long last he emerged from his room and crept downstairs. The lights were off and Ludwig's door was shut. Only the kitchen light was on. He hadn't glanced at a clock but he figured it must have been well past seven for Ludwig to have gone upstairs already. It was at least after dinner, so his growling stomach told him. When he poked his head in he saw his father still bowed over papers, pouring over numbers, chatting lowly on the phone with someone. Gilbert waited until his father quieted before walking in.

"Who was that?" He asked skeptically.

Vater saw no point in keeping anything from his older son. "A sitter. I need someone to watch Ludwig after school until I get home."  
Gilbert frowned. "I can do that."

"Gilbert, you have football practice most days."

"So I'll take Luddy with me." Gilbert didn't like the idea of some stranger watching his brother. He'd been babysitting for the last two years. Before that whenever Mutter and Vater needed a sitter, it was a teenager from the neighborhood but Gilbert had been here to keep an eye on things.

"You can't take him with you. He needs time to do his homework and to just be home. Your coach wouldn't like him there. Besides, what would you do? Go to his school and bring him back to yours?"

Vater was right and Gilbert knew it. But baby sitters cost money and he didn't know much about finances but he did know money was tight. They'd moved to a smaller house, cut down to one car and cut back on their spending. Even the boys' allowance was less now. "You can't afford a sitter."

"Well ..." Vater paused. "I'll manage. Don't worry about that, Gilbert."

"Nein." The albino shook his head. "I'll do it. I wanna do it."

"What about football?"

"The guys on the team are lame anyway. I'm too awesome to play with them." Gilbert scoffed haughtily. "Besides I'm not trusting some weird teenage girl with my brother."

Vater considered his elder son's offer for a long time. That would save him a great deal of money - and he didn't have to worry about being home exactly on time every night. He wouldn't have to worry about either boy. But was an easier time worth his elder son's happiness? He knew how much the teen loved football. Still ... the offer was tempting.

"Gilbert," He began. "Just ... take a few days Think about it. I have the week off from work to work things out here." He murmured. "Don't make any rash decisions, alright?"

Gilbert nodded in agreement, but Vater knew his son well enough to know his stubborn mind had been made up.

"Now let's get you dinner, ja? Sit down and we'll talk about all of this."

Unknown to either male, Ludwig stood in the doorway, a little frown on his face. Like Vater, he knew how much Gilbert liked football. He'd been so proud when he'd made the team at school. He knew how protective of him Gilbert was ... and he knew Vater was the same way. He sighed softly. He appreciated their care, but either way one of them was sacrificing for him, and all because he was too young to be home alone for a long while. Gilbert had always considered 'big brothering' to be his full time job, but this time, Ludwig thought, he might have taken his job too far.

* * *

**A/N:** I hope you guys enjoyed this update! I know so many of you liked how cute the first two chapters were and I'm happy you liked them! However, with this chapter I hope you've got the sense that it will get darker from here. I do apologize if you miss the fluff but I hope you'll stick with me to the end! We're in the home stretch now. Just two more chapters to go. I ought to have the next one out very soon.

As for Attachment to Letting Go, I have not forgotten! I am a little stuck on it but it IS being worked on, so don't worry! Thanks for your patience with that one. I hope you'll all stick with me through the wait for that one as well.

You're all amazing. Thank you so much for all of the reviews and follows and favorites. It means the world to me. I try to get back to people when I can, but honestly I'm such a scatter brain and I forget. I promise to try though!

As always, concrit is always appreciated. Please review! Thank you so much, guys.


	4. Chapter 4

**Pairing**: No romantic pairing.

**Summary**: Five times Gilbert Bielschmidt lived up to his role as big brother. (Human AU, in honor of German Unity Day)

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Hetalia or any related ideas. This is all just for fun and entertainment here.

* * *

Another five years had passed sine Gilbert had become a big brother. Though the boys faced many changes in the weeks following their mother's departure, they soon had settled into another normal routine. Each day the boys would walk to the bus stop and go their separate ways to school. They'd come home immediately after school and (in theory) did their homework until their father arrived home. Their weekends they were left to their own devices while their father worked. Most summers they spent with their own friends.

It was repetitive, but it worked for them. The two boys and Vater managed to continue on without a single word from Mutter. They didn't need her, the boys decided, and Vater did everything he could to encourage that independence. He knew they must miss her, that they must still be hurting, but he simply didn't know how to make it better.

They each had their own way of dealing with the changes. Ludwig threw himself into his schoolwork. He'd become far more withdrawn and serious. He strived for perfection in everything he did and accepted nothing less from himself. Gilbert was quite the opposite. His schoolwork lacked. He was quite capable of succeeding, Vater knew, but he seemed to lack the motivation. He wasn't able to play on the football team, even after Ludwig no longer needed someone to watch him. His grades weren't high enough for sports, and his attendance wasn't high enough for good grades. Like Ludwig, he withdrewleaving his best friends wondering what had changed.

Vater was working almost constantly at two different jobs. Ludwig and Gilbert both suspected he was saving like mad to be able to send Gilbert to college - something the elder boy felt tremendously guilty about. As far as Vater knew, the boys were operating as they always had, keeping their heads down and staying out of trouble. So when Vater got a call at work one day saying that his eldest son had gotten into a fight, he was completely stunned. Since when did Gilbert get into fights at school?!

Angry that he had to take time off of work, Vater stormed his way over to the school in the middle of his shift. He walked right to the office, still in shock. Never had he imagined he'd have to come here for either of his son's. Ludwig was so school oriented and Gilbert had always been so responsible for all that he acted with an air of immaturity. The moment he walked into the office and laid eyes on Gilbert, he snapped. "Are you insane?" He asked hotly. "They told me you were fighting!"

Gilbert did not look up. "I know." He sat in the chair outside of the principal's office, hunched over in his seat. He rested his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees. He didn't glance over to his father at all.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?" He asked lowly.

"No." Gilbert shook his head.

"What, nothing? You get into a fight at school and you have nothing to say?" He asked. He couldn't get a good look at his son's face but he could see the beginning's of a magnificent black eye on the right side of his face.

"I fought. I got caught. I'm in trouble. What more do you want me to say? I'm not sorry I did it." Gilbert said through gritted teeth.

Vater opened his mouth to respond when Ludwig came through the office door, breathless. It was easy now that Ludwig was in middle school and Gilbert in high school. The two schools were connected and he knew that they were together now and Gilbert was able to keep an eye on him. "Ludwig?" He asked in surprise.

"Vater ..." The blond panted. "Vater, don't be mad at him."

Gilbert's head snapped up. "Ludwig ..." He said, his tone low and warning.

Ludwig paid it no mind. "It's not his fault. He was helping me."

Vater raised his eyebrows. "You're the one who was fighting?" He asked.

"Not exactly ..." Ludwig lowered his gaze.

Before any of the Bielschmidt males could speak, the principal poked her head out of her office. She looked at the three of them, eyebrows raised. "Mr. Bielschmidt, may I have a word before we bring Gilbert in?" She asked. He nodded solemnly and gave both of his son's a warning look, pausing only to wince at the shiner on Gilbert's face before following her inside.

There in the empty waiting room, Gilbert rounded on Ludwig. "What are you thinking? Stay the hell out of this!" He hissed.

"Stay out of it?" Ludwig hissed back. "This is because of me!"

"No it's not." Gilbert said stubbornly.

Ludwig frowned at the black eye and split lip his brother was sporting. "Gilbert ... You hit Ivan because of me."

"I just don't like the guy."

"Stop it. You hit him because of me." Ludwig insisted.

"Alright, I did. So what? You think I'm going to let Braginsky get away with calling my brother a faggot?" He asked sharply.

"That's not your concer-"

"Shut up. You may be turning into a giant but nobody calls my little brother a faggot. If that stuff starts now while you're in middle school then it's only going to get worse. I don't care if you like that Italian kid. Go for it. He's cute. But shit, I'm not about to let someone who's my age pick on you."

"He's twice your size and I don't care what he says about me." Ludwig insisted.

Gilbert leaned his head back against the bulliten board on the wall and looked to Ludwig. "I'll do anything for you, kid." He said. "Whether it's fighting some bully or taking a bullet for you."

"Don't be dramatic." Ludwig rolled his eyes, sitting next to him.

"Look, I just ... I know you're not ready to come out to Vater. And if you explain to him the circumstances of the fight things'll just get bad, y'know?" He asked, leaning his head on Ludwig's shoulder. "Just let it go. You're the good boy anyway. I can take the heat."

Ludwig sighed. Gilbert had a point. He was only just figuring himself out - and he was hardly old enough to really know, he thought - but truly, he wasn't ready to include Vater on that. "You do too much for me." He said with a bit of a frown.

"I'm your big brother." Gilbert said with a little smile. "It's my job, remember?"

* * *

**A/N**: Wow, I can't believe the amazing feedback I got for the last update. Thank you so much, all of you! I'm so flattered that so many people love this story as much as they do. Because this story is so much at the forefront of my mind I think I'll be continuing with it to the end before another Attachment to Letting Go update - I am sorry for that! We're just one chapter from the end now.

I have to warn you guys, next chapter is absolutely darker than these last two. More warnings will be posted at the next chapter, but I just wanted to give you all a heads up.

As always, concrit is always appreciated. Please review! Thank you so much, guys.


	5. Chapter 5

**Pairing**: No romantic pairing.

**Summary**: Five times Gilbert Bielschmidt lived up to his role as big brother. (Human AU, in honor of German Unity Day)

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Hetalia or any related ideas. This is all just for fun and entertainment here.

**Warning**: Character death!

* * *

Another four years passed since Gilbert had become a big brother. Much had changed in the Bielschmidt home since then. Ludwig had grown up a great deal and had come a long way from the quiet boy he'd been in middle school. He was no longer pushed around by the older students, and though he had not yet come out to his father he was more and more comfortable in his own skin. His grades were high and so were the prospects of his getting into a good university with scholarships to support him. He played on the very same football team that Gilbert had wanted to join when they were younger. He was by no means popular, but he had his friends. He was a good boy, by any parent's standards.

Gilbert had gone in a much different direction. His grades suffered until his graduation, which he hardly was able to do. If not for some last minute cramming and help from Francis and Antonio, Gilbert would not have been able to finish high school. He claimed aloud to anyone who would listen that he had no interest in conforming to society's standards of success and that he would not waste his hard earned money on university. This was bull shit, Ludwig realized, and felt a tremendous amount of guilt at the sneaking suspicion his reluctance had more to do with saving money to make sure Ludwig could go.

Though the boys both had changed, life went on very much as it always had. Vater worked hard at his job. Gilbert did what he could to help Vater support Ludwig. Ludwig worked hard to ensure that neither his father nor his brother's hard work went to waste. The three of them lived together, spent what time they could together, and for the most part, were generally quite close. Ludwig was grateful for that, that his father and brother worked so hard for them, and he was grateful for the fact that they remained close knit, even after their mother left.

However, as grateful for the support as Ludwig was, he often wished that Gilbert spent a little more time caring for himself and planning for his own future, rather than just focusing on Ludwig's. It was a hard topic to breech with Gilbert. Neither of them had especially deep conversations with one another anyway, and (much to Ludwig's chagrin) Gilbert was exceptionally adept at avoiding conversations he didn't want to have. This was one of his least favorite topics of all, and so naturally this was the one he was best at avoiding.

Every time Ludwig brought it up, he found a way around it. He got a phone call or he had an errand to run, he'd feel sick or he'd have some other creative excuse. However, today, that wouldn't work for him. Today he was driving Ludwig home from a college interview two hours from their house. He had no work and so that was not a good excuse. He wouldn't be using his phone given he was driving, and quite obviously he had no other plans to attend to. For at least another ninety minutes, Gilbert was a captive audience and Ludwig intended on taking advantage.

He let it go for a good forty minutes of the drive before finally speaking. "Gilbert," He said, breaking the silence between them that had originally only been broken by the barely audible music from Gilbert's stereo.

"Ja?" The elder brother asked. "If you wanna change the station, go ahead." He offered. "You know the speakers are shit though so good luck hearing anything." He chuckled.

"It's not the music." Ludwig shook his head.

Gilbert glanced briefly at him. "You okay?" He asked. "I'm sure they loved you in that interview." He assured him.

"It's not the interview." He shook his head again.

"What is it then?" Gilbert pressed.

"You."

"Me?"

Ludwig took a deep breath. "Gilbert, why don't you try to get any sort of degree?" He asked.

"Oh gott, not this again …" Gilbert sighed heavily through his nose. "Luddy, I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that I know how to do shit." He insisted, looking over at him.

"No, but a decent place of work needs that paper to tell _them _that you can do shit." Ludwig quoted. "And keep your eyes on the road, not on me!"

"Luddy, come _on_. I'm a great driver." Gilbert shook his head. "And that's just general societal bullshit. I'm happy where I am." Ludwig doubted that. Gilbert complained on a thrice daily basis about his retail job. Ludwig knew damn well he wasn't happy.

"Gilbert," Ludwig said calmly. "I know you're saving money and … I appreciate it but –"

"Then don't argue with me about it." The elder brother interjected. "You're going places, dammit." He said gruffly. "You're smart and shit. You're going to go to college and get an amazing job and I'm not letting you be super in debt because of it, alright?"

"Why can't we both go to college?" Ludwig asked.

"Vater can't afford that." Gilbert said. "I'd never qualify for scholarships anyway. He can't afford to send both of us to school and you know it."

"So we each take half and –"

"Ludwig."

"Gilbert."

Gilbert let out a long sigh. "I'd never get into a school with the grades I had." He said pointedly. "Just … You go make Vater proud, ja?" He slowed to a stop at a red light and turned to face Ludwig. "He's so proud of you, Luddy." He said seriously. "You're so smart. You've accomplished so much." He paused. "I'm proud of you too. And when you go to school next year you're going to make both of us even prouder." He glanced down and then up. "Listen … maybe I don't have everything figured out." He admitted. "But I'll get there. Eventually I'll get there. But you … you know where you're going and you know who you are."

Ludwig opened his mouth to protest but Gilbert continued over him. "You're one of the best guys I know and you're going places, alright?" He nodded as if to agree with himself as the light changed and he started down the road again. "So no more arguing with me, alright? I'm your big brother. I know these things." He turned to look at him with a grin, just briefly.

The response Ludwig had died on his lips as he turned to face Gilbert. He glanced out the window and saw past his brother's head to the fast approaching vehicle outside. There was the sickeningly loud crash of metal grinding on metal, the screeching blare of car horns and pain, searing, blinding, white hot pain. And then … nothing.

* * *

He existed in some place between reality and dreams. At times, there was an intense amount of pain. It was during those times that he wanted nothing more than the sweet blackness of unconsciousness. Sometimes he was lost to it and sometimes he was neither here nor there, but experiencing flashes of things – a doctor's words, a nurse's touch, a brief glimpse of pain and then sweet, sweet oblivion. Time and space and words didn't make sense. Nothing made sense except for the ongoing cycle of pain and nothingness.

He wasn't sure when things began making sense again, but when he was finally alert and aware of the world around him his eyes were assaulted by an astonishing amount of white. All around him was white - white walls, a white ceiling, white, billowing curtains filtering out white, bright sunlight. As his senses returned him he became aware of it all, bit by bit. He was in bed, lying down and he was thirsty, oh so thirsty. His head felt fuzzy. There was the dull chatter of the television in the background. He was stiff, parts of him didn't move. When had he gotten to the hospital? He glanced at his arm, bound up and at his side, and to his leg, propped up and encased tightly in plaster. There were bandages all over – had his nose been broken?

At last, it returned to him. The crash. The screech of tires and the scrape of metal. The white hot flash of pain. The shatter of glass and the screams of others. What else?

His eyes widened and a single word tore from his dry throat. "Gilbert!" Ludwig croaked out. "Gilbert, Gilbert!" He moved wildly – as much as his bindings and hazed mind would allow – in bed, trying to get free.

At once the curtains parted and Vater walked in. "Ludwig, Ludwig, calm down." He said, his voice gruff and worn. He placed a large hand on Ludwig's shoulder to steady him. Had Vater always looked so old and tired?

"Where is Gilbert?" Ludwig demanded.

"You were in an accident." Vater sat down beside his bed, avoiding his younger son's eyes. "A car blew through the red light at the intersection you were crossing. The car was completely ruined. They had to pry you two out of the car." He spoke as if reciting something ordinary, rehearsed and stiff. "You have cracked ribs, a broken nose and a broken leg. Your arm is broken in three places. There are cuts and bruises all over the place. They … A piece of metal punctured your abdomen." He said quietly, his voice growing more and more strained.

"Vater …" Ludwig said.

"Ludwig, I'm sorry …"

"Sorry for what? Vater, what's going on!?" Ludwig demanded, once again growing anxious. In the background he could vaguely hear his heart monitor racing. Before him he saw his father's resolve visibly crumble as tears sprang to the man's eyes.

The moment he began to speak, a doctor and several nurses came in. "Herr Bielschmidt, bitte, I can't have him stressing out!" The doctor scolded as one of the nurses gently ushered him out. Without so much as a word, the doctor injected something into Ludwig's IV.

"Gilbert!" Ludwig cried. "Where is he!?" He felt his eyelids growing heavy. He couldn't stay awake and even as he fought, his brother's name died on his lips as he lost the battle to oblivion once more.

* * *

The next time Ludwig woke, he was more alert than the last. He glanced around the room, trying to wrap his head around reality. He needed to find Gilbert and to find out what had happened already! Before he could do much, however, his doctor came into the room.

"You're awake," The man said with a smile. "Good." He took a seat beside Ludwig's bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Where is Gilbert?" Ludwig demanded, ignoring the question.

The doctor sighed softly. "Right to the point then, ja?" He asked, and took a little breath. "Alright, I suppose I should spare your father this …"

"Spare my father what?"

"Ludwig," The doctor said. "The accident you were in was a terrible one." His tone was matter of fact, and not strained like his father's, though there was a tone of regret. "The ambulance was called very soon after the crash, but the two of you had been out there a while. Both of you came in with extensive injuries. I believe your father gave you the rundown?" He said, glancing over the chart and running over it again to be sure.

"And Gilbert?" Ludwig pressed.

"Ludwig, I'm afraid I have some very bad news. Gilbert didn't make it." Whatever the doctor said next, Ludwig didn't hear. He was vaguely registering something about internal bleeding and too much blood loss, but nothing else he was aware of. Gilbert dead? This had to be a joke. Any minute now he'd come in, perhaps pushed in a wheel chair and laugh. He'd say, 'Look at the look on your face! You really believed I was dead?'

But he didn't come. All that happened was the doctor's explanation. Crushed organs. Bleeding out. All of the words and symptoms bled together. Ludwig didn't hear a word of it.

Gilbert was dead. How? Gilbert couldn't be dead! He just couldn't be.

"You're lying." Ludwig said, dangerously low.

"I know this is hard to accept but –"

"Get out! Liar!" Ludwig shouted, blinded in his own anger. He didn't even notice the tears on his cheeks.

"Ludwig-"

"GO!" Ludwig boomed, causing the doctor to reach for a sedative.

"No, no, no!" He shouted, fighting. Even as the doctor slipped the sedative into his IV, he fought, screaming for his brother. He screamed until once more, oblivion came for him and he slipped further and further into darkness and away from the pain.

He wasn't sure he _wanted_ to come back from it.

* * *

**A/N**: I apologize for the long wait! This chapter was exceptionally hard for me to write, and though I know it was sad to read, I do hope you all enjoyed it! I know it ended with a cliff hanger, but I just couldn't get it all in. It felt too rushed. There WILL be a final chapter - really an epilogue - so I hope you stay with me.

Thanks for reading, guys! As always, concrit is always appreciated.


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